Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
