That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
