I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
