she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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