i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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