I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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