I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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