you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
