i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
