we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
