R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
