Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Damn victory sex feels great
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
