His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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