words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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