Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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