She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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