and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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