Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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