i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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