Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
