i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
