can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
