So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
