So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
