Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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