You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
