I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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