shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I need a hoe opinion
go on
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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