now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just high enough for therapy.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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