I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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