Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
