Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
