you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
