the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
