What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
