You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
