Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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