thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
