I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
