The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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