I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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