After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
