I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
