He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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