I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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