I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
