im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
did i just pee glitter
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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