Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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