high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
