I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
