too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
