I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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