That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i believe in u and ur pee
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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