i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
