Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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