I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
