found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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